Feb Club Superlatives, etc.

Greetings from PR. Captain Ron and I are nearing the end of our mancation, and I thought I should throw something up here to sum things up. I'm not sure if anyone is still reading, but the waves are shit today, so what the hell.

And the awards go to:

Most hilarious, committed and under the radar 3L: Jeff, who lives with Texas Jeff, but not Texas Jeff.

1L All stars: The Resident Alcoholic, Double D, Missy, Clairebear, the Cougar

Most Sexual: Sexual Charlie

Best Wednesday Night Party: Rubix Cube

Most likely to bite you while blackout: SS, the girl from our 1L section, (with K-Law as a close second)

The guy who disappointed us the most: Old Man Roommate, for falling through zero walls this year

Best hat: El Presidente's Orange Hat

Best costume: Marshmallow man

And now an abbreviated tale of the tape over 3 years:

Nights we don't remember (Bill + Ted): approx. 50

Parties attended (Bill + Ted): 160

Kegs kicked by the law school (avg 3 kegs per party for 84 parties) = 252

Net girlfriends: 1

Nights Bill took all his clothes off and slept in the living room covered in cheetos: 1

Concussions (Ted): 1

Lost shoes (Ted): 3

Net girlfriends over 30 (Bill): 1

Scary vampire parties: 1

Money spent on feb club costumes (Bill + Ted): approx 500$

Dignity remaining, on a scale from 0-100: -1


Well, there you have it. Captain Ron and I have a couple's sunset horsebacking ride to get to, or maybe we'll split another meal on our balcony with a nice bottle of Pino. A final word. One day we'll look back on feb club and on the blog and say, wow those were some great times: that day is not today. We're nostalgic for sobriety, sound sleep, and seeing people other than law students. That said, we love you. It's been a long strange trip, and we're stoked that some great kids have stepped up to carry on the tradition.

Surfs up,

Theodore

Don't Crash Into The House

Rating:(Predicted) 4.25 It looks like this is the last party of the month. No one has stepped up to host on the last two days and most people are either gone for Spring Break or Leaving tomorrow. As long as there are enough people still in town to party this could be a fun party. 1Ls doing Journal Tryouts this weekend can pre-emptively numb themselves to make it hurt less. Or you could use the party to Roofy one of your good bros so he sleeps in and misses the time to pick up the Journal Packet. IN THIS ECONOMY you can't be too ruthless.

We are never ones to pass on mocking NASCAR and its fans so we are all about this party. This mockery comes from jealousy because as a Northener I would feel dirty and as a Virginian turned noted Northeast liberal Ted would look like a sellout to Nascar fans we are unable to love the event (not a sport). On the other hand, Nascar seems pretty fucking sweet. They all get hammered at the races. This is a sport that promotes both drinking and driving without any sense of irony. It is also a known fact that Nascar drivers have smoking hot wives.

Assuming this is the last party of the year, it looks like this will be our last preview. This is for the best for everyone. Doing this again would probably kill us, and you, the reader, deserve better. We often just phoned it in. Also, we are not good people. At all. When I got the e-mail from the school about the "Deaf People and the Law" speaker series I giggled to myself like a little girl. Later, when I left Kroger and was approached by D.A.R.E. people I told them that I do not support their cause. It looks like we will have a solid crew replacing us and hopefully they will not become the jaded, cynical, shells of human beings that we became. Ted will try to have a superlatives type article up sometime over Spring Break and I will probably kill some of the remaining 3 days I have in town writing some sort of gibberish for people to read.

Costumes: Cut off ts, Busch Lite boxes, anything Nascary. Or just dress like this guy.




Also, noted our girlfriend, who is both a noted Hoobastank and Nascar enthusiast (they go together very well) will be there pretending that she shouldn't drink because of "her antibiotics". These antibiotics never stopped her from participating in that Live Fantasy Role Playing that she loves so much (she plays a controlling male knight with a giant sword, which is very similar to our own bedroom scenarios). Nor should these antibiotics stop her from drinking tonight and you should tell her (also compliment her swordsmanship, she likes that)

Directions to 110 Buckingham Road

Bill

Beerfest Review from the Resident Alcoholic

The Movie Beerfest combines three of our favorite things: patriotism, alcohol, and competition. The Feb Club Beerfest party also combined ample amounts of these three things, yet somehow it fell flat. Let’s see if we can figure out why.


Just like Boom or Bust, we’re going to start by blaming poor attendance for much of the failure. Beerfest had awesome potential, and based on previous Wednesday parties, a lot to live up to (Snow Pants/No Pants and Rubik’s Cube go near the top of the list of all the Feb Club parties). But Feb Club parties generally are measured by how full they are, and putting even a medium-sized party in the open space of a frat house makes it seem not so full. We have to say we are disappointed in the 1L attendance, with the loyal Feb Club attendees supplemented by a select few post-trivia revelers (On a side note, impressive showing by Mr. Gray. Anytime the 3 a.m. version of the Resident Alcoholic can tell that someone ELSE is wasted, you know you’ve had a lot to drink). Also, 3Ls? Where have you been lately? This is your last chance at glory before entering the unemployment lines of the real world…we expect to see you all tonight at the last Feb Club party of the year.


But attendance alone does not a party make; even a small party can be awesome if it sufficiently brings the weird. Unfortunately, Beerfest was decidedly lacking in the weird. Perhaps the basic nature of the party was at fault; as much as we love beer pong and flip cup, those games are very basic for a Beerfest party. We salute the referee who whistled two boot-chuggers into action and then declared a winner; we would have preferred this had been a boat race with the boots as the anchors. The Resident Alcoholic would have recommended this, but at this point of the night he was described as “catatonic” with a look on his eyes “like you saw something amazing in the distance that no one else could see.” This was a direct result of the Captain’s birthday; when the Captain tells you to start drinking at 4 in the afternoon, you start drinking at 4 in the afternoon. Props to all the 1Ls and 2Ls who finished a keg by 7 pm; anti-props for passing out before Feb Club.


For examples on what would have sufficiently brought the weird, we submit: stealing the towels of showering frat brothers (this actually happened), but not returning them before they get out of the shower (unfortunately also happened). Naked frat brothers would certainly have kicked the weird up a notch, and as much as we don’t appreciate the male nude body, it certainly would have been worth it in this instance.


The party was again located very close to the Corner, which offered many who arrived early an excuse to give up and go drink elsewhere. While we always encourage multi-destination drinking, we deem it a poor decision to leave free beer on the second-to-last night of Feb Club; this is why we soldiered through. Unfortunately, there was no dance floor for the Resident Alcoholic to make a fool of himself on (believe us, it would have been quite the scene).


Furthermore, we have to disapprove of the lack of costumes. Other than the referees and Bill and Ted’s embrace of their alcoholic roots in Irish attire, this party lacked effort. According to The Cougar, this Feb Club has been marred by a lack of Speedos, and while we see no connection to Beerfest there, we are certain a Speedo is always an acceptable costume in the Feb Club world.


Finally, we have to accept that a Beerfest party, where only beer is served, will always lack the drunken hi-jinks that can only result from the combination of cheap liquor and an energy drink. In the immortal words of the crowd at Beerfest: “They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk!” Simply put, the vast majority of attendees were too sober to reach the necessary level of weird.


In the end, a disappointment. We would like to extend a note of thanks to the gracious hosts; we apologize for not putting our best (drunken, wobbly) foot forward in a party at your place. For this 1L at least, there’s always next year.


The Resident Alcoholic

Boom & Bust Review: I used to believe in things

(find the preview for tonight's party in the second post down. Here's a guest review of last night.)

Rating: 3.5

I used to believe in things. I used to believe that 1Ls love drinking. I used to believe that 3Ls had nothing better to do than drink. I used to believe that any party on Mardi Gras is a good party. I used to believe that if a party is bad you can always just drink enough to make it fun. I am no longer a believer after last night’s party.

Things started with some promise. Missy was showing her upper thigh bruise to anyone who asked (and anyone who didn’t, and anyone who sat still long enough for her to lift up her dress). My section’s resident alcoholic had stopped complaining about the physical pain emanating from his liver long enough to reach binge drinking status before leaving the safe confines of Ivy.

Even after we arrived at the party and found it empty, we still held out hope. Just the night before, we had been at an empty Caddy Shack party, and that had ended with blackouts, waffle house, and a kid puking in the middle of a keg stand (The three pillars of an outstanding night).

The ingredients were right for a booming party. There was a delicious gin bucket, good keg access, and a dim dance floor. The great music, gin bucket, and full kegs couldn’t stand up against the lack of attendance. The dance floor was emptier than that place I used to keep my dignity. The situation was so bad that when we tried to get our usual go-to girl to pull up her shirt (she usually will show them to anyone anywhere), she told us that it wasn't a good enough party. It was Mardi Gras for the love of everything sacred! How can a girl who usually flashes refuse on Mardi Gras. That’s like Tiger Woods not wearing a red shirt on Sunday. It’s un-American. And then our favorite cougar told us she was giving up cougaring for Lent. I nearly slit my wrists… vertically.

Speaking of the dance floor, the one time I did find some brave souls there, it ended up being my wasted girlfriend dancing very closely with an unidentified creeper, and to make my night better it looked like she was having more fun than I was.

The theme could have been good, but why encourage shiftless dresses on Mardi Gras? It depresses the level of flashing almost as much as not having a Mardi Gras themed party on Mardi Gras (someone dropped the ball on this).

The party devolved into us standing around making fun of resident alcoholic’s past hook ups. Luckily, the girls he manages to snag provide hours of teasing (Public Service Announcement: Being an alcoholic leads to waking up next to people who are less than desirable even by law school standards). If it hadn’t been for one section of 1Ls the party would have been over by 1am. Now, I love this small group of alcoholic 1Ls as much as the next guy, but I can only see so much familiar man nipple on Mardi Gras before I get depressed.

Any number of factors could have been to blame for the crappiness of the party: the gin bucket running out at 12:30, the presence of men in nice suits with pants (Shout out to the host with the garbage bag on his legs, but really, why did you go around telling people that you were wearing underwear? For that matter why were you wearing underwear?), but the mortal wound for this party was the lack of attendance. What are people doing with their lives!?! This February had a great track record of Tuesday parties… unfortunately the weird ran out. And then my girlfriend threw up on me on the way home in the cab.

Disgruntled 1L (Double Dare)

What's a ZJ? If you don't know, then you can't afford it.

Rating (predicted): 4.2

This party has a lot to live up to. Last year's Beerjing Olympics brought to you by Dude Island featured a mud pit and sorority girl mudwrestlers, multiple drinking events including beer bongs, an ice luge, a keg stand competition, a push-up competition, some epic pong, a slip and slide, and a really weird mud fight that ended in quasi-public showering. Beerjing Olympics was a Wednesday night party that acted like a Friday night party - we expect the same from Beerfest.

Another thing we'd really like to see at this year's celebration of all things beer is the dunkaroo. Beerjing Olympics had an epic dunkaroo scene. Hell, we just might bring the dunkaroo along with us. For those who don't know, let's review: 3 steps - (1)Shotgun. (2)Fully submerge head in bucket of ice water for at least 15 seconds. (3) Shotgun again. We're ashamed to say that we haven't seen one dunkaroo at Feb Club. It's our fault, we're sorry. Come do some dunkaroos tonight. Old Man roommate almost got thrown out of fall foxfields this year for doing an undercover dunkaroo after they'd told us to stop doing them until he lawyered the rent-a-cops with the argument, "I'm a 28 year old man, I can stick my head in a bucket of ice water if i want."

This party is also worth attending if you're nostalgic for your greek days because its located right in the heart of fraternity life @ Phi Psi. In our experience these parties can be relatively tame because they just serve beer and people feel kind of awkward being 26 years old in a fraternity house. Still, we've proven over the last 26 days that we're certainly not above getting weird in someone else's house. Bring a flask if you're worried about the drinking situation.

A lot of people are headed out of town tomorrow or Friday - so this should be one of the last two blowouts of February Club. We're sure there'll be a poppin' bump and grind scene, plentiful cerveza, and a will to drink a truly prodigious amount of beer.

Costumes: the guys from beerfest, beer wenches, any character from Old School or Animal House, a human beer can, a keg, a costume made out of beer cans, one of thsoe beer hats. or just look really fratty - greek philanthropy t-shirts. Whatever, man - just come.

Bring whatever beer related games and paraphenalia you have (bongs, funnels, cool stuff we don't even know about yet). We're not sure how good this party will be if we don't get a little creative, but this is a call to democratic action. We can make this party dope.

ted logan